A Plethora of Expressions

Life is a struggle. Or is it not?

2008-09-26T08:56:00.003+08:00

People oftentimes say that life is a constant struggle. A fight. A battle. A war even.

And it is often that these conflict is for the betterment of oneselves. "A struggle to make MY life better"

But who is it that we struggling against? Who is the enemy? The thing or person that we always confront?

While for many, the simple answer (excuse more likely) is the people or their surroundings, look deep enough and more often than not, it is the Self that we find ourself against. The person looking back directly at us when we stare into the mirror.

When we fight ourselves to make things better, what does it say about us and our inner beliefs? Apply some courage and one thing is clear.

We fight that version of ourselves that DO NOT want things to better. That version of us that like the way things are (even if it is painful) for fear of the unknown will send shivers down many spines.

That conversation that says, "better to deal with the evils that I know than the ones that I don't". The conversation that keeps us stuck in our present predicament.

At this point, the biggest question to be asked is "Really, do I WANT to change? Because if I'm struggling to change, then perhaps I don't want change in the first place!"

If we want change, just be the change. Be free, be brave be bold and embrace it.

Because to resist it just says we do not want it.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

Why Oh Why?

2008-08-11T16:29:00.005+08:00

What can I say?

"Why oh why?"

"Beware of a new type of terrorist attack, one that will cripple supplies to the front lines and block roads for hours!"

"I know you might hate Petronas, but this?!"

"How the hell he could have underestimated the size of his lorry is beyond me"

"IT WILL FIT IN!!"

"I could drive through it last week!"

"I'm quite sure I was driving in my car..."

"I thought the barrier was for the buses!"

"I thought the handbrake was engaged"

"I thought I was still in neutral!"

"Ah... NOW we can get in"

Thanks to whoever took the photo. You made my day! Had a great hearty laugh!

Indecisions: Laugh, Anger and Shock

2008-08-06T21:15:00.005+08:00

Take a good look at the picture above.

Well, I used to stay in an apartment. So one day we came back and the sight of used a used condom hanging from our window pane greeted us. That thing you see above.

While Mimie writhing in anger, I quickly got Iqmal to check it out. I was hysteric already by then.

In laughter.

Iqmal then joined me in our uncontrolled laughter.

We even laughed about it many times over the next few days.

I swear to god I cant stop laughing about it till this day. And even as I'm typing this.

I really should be angry aren't I?

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH!!

A name in any other place...

2008-07-30T21:30:00.002+08:00

The whole world will recognise the name as arguably the best footballer in the world at the moment.

But in Malaysia...

It is but a biscuit.

The road once taken

2008-07-17T14:46:00.004+08:00

The road once taken lay before me
Begs me a decision
Retracing, Detracting
Of familiar experience
Of new adventures

The maybes?
Reminisce or mystery
Of noticing an ignorant past journey
Until a desicion
The road once taken still lay before me

My sweet longing

2008-07-11T17:09:00.004+08:00

The bridge between us is stretched

With a Miracle that defies the norm

As stretched is it may seem

Stronger thus its core will be

Linger on your presence is

Even though you're not with me

Within me you still exist

Always more than just a memory

I long for the sweetness of you

When you fill my heart with glee

The scent of the morning dew

A touch that brings life in me

I long for the anger you show

And your fiery vulnerability

The daily naggings in my ear

Your heart when you share your fear

I long for the spirit you bring

Contagious an infection it is

Though you never ever seem to see

You're always a sunshine to me

This longing that I am feeling

Stabs me where it hurts the most

I can't explain this hurting emotion

Yet addictive and intoxicating

All the beauty and sorrow we share

It colours my life indefinitely

No other choices will I make

But the sweet longing that you bring.

2008-07-09T16:31:00.007+08:00

You teach some by what you say...

Tell and instruct. This is wrong, that is wrong. It should be this way. Thats not how you do it. Typical teachers. Just say, not knowing whats inside. Telling me what to do. Thats the correct way. Instructor.

...teach more by what you do... ...

See how I do it. Thats how I used to do it. Look at the way I do things. Doing. The how. The method. The way. Be an example in methodology. Manager.

but most of all, you teach most by who you are.

Just be me. Be you.

Inspire. Aspire. Leader.

Audiences

2008-07-08T16:54:00.003+08:00

Secluded space in the middle of everyone
Will a soul spend time in silence?
Focusing to a voice among millions
From a corner of conciousness

I am here
On an altar surrounded by all
Standing up
While everyone faces out
I will speak
With a voice drowned in noise
Expressing
My thoughts and feelings shared
Reaching out
To an audience of none

In a space where millions dwell
Lights will shine eclipsed by some
Stars collapse and born anew
An epoch of moments cycling through

Im still here
A soul confined by conscience
Reaching out
For connectedness and love
Intertwined
Light and dark for all around me
As I speak
Of my heart and my mind
Even if
I only reach
An audience of one

An earnest return?

2008-07-07T10:24:00.003+08:00

My gratitude for inspiration
In its absence, so was I from this space
An earnest return?
Earn this return

Resurrect, renew, rejuvenate, resuscitate
Restart, reboot, reload, return

And yet all it requires is that little bit of will
To set me behind the keys
And engage myself
In a plethora of expressions.

Soul, Feeling.

2006-08-15T12:56:00.001+08:00

Invoke. Soul. Feeling. Passion. Absolving. Reeling. Containing.

Calm. Chaos. Turbulent. Serenity. Solitude. Confining.
Prison. Piegeon. Flapping. Ska. Ska. Ska.

Vocalize. Funk. Planned beats pulled in length of staccato.

2006-05-04T13:44:00.001+08:00

"We see things not as the way they are, but as the way WE are"

For Ummi

2005-10-27T23:20:00.001+08:00

If, one day in the future
Should the brightest star in the sky
Fade away
I know
That I will be grateful
For that one moment
When I held it in my hands.

2005-10-27T01:03:00.001+08:00

Its you and me steadfast against the world baby!

2005-10-04T14:39:00.001+08:00

That gorgeous form I met
That being of fun and joy
That smile so sincere
That eyes mesmerizing

And I sense that need to belong
Your arms reaching out ignored
Your heart in a thousand pieces
Your will drugged beyond you

So let me
Reach out to you
Catch your hand and pull you up
And cradle you up to the sun

Please let me
Pick each of your pieces
Mend and nurse you in
And make you whole again

Will you let me
Be your medicine
Yank you of this craving
For your emotional drug

Dear,
You only need to rest
You can lean on me
You can count on me

Just close your eyes
And remember the seabreeze
And the smell of the ocean
And your toes in the sand

And when you get up
I'll still be by your side
My heart open for you
Ready to hold your hand

2005-09-03T16:56:00.001+08:00

Afternoon's Wish

White cotton clouds diverging
Soaking the skies into what resembles
An intense black smoky body
That grows heavier till its burden
Grows too hard to bear
Thus spewing forth from its belly
Drops of rain that cools the air
Around me as I sense the shivers
From the cold magnified by the dimming
Vision of my eyes

Trickling into pouring while my
Eyes adjust when the darkness turns
The air into white and
Painted by mother nature
Sprinkled with huge drops of rain
That fills the ground
Raising, competing even with the grasses
For its own elevation

And maybe just, She garnished the day with
Bits of lightning followed by gentle sounds of
Thunder just to take me eyes away from
This majestic moment as I feel the
Cold teasing my skin slowly it reminded
Me that for all mother had
Intended in this afternoon
Rain, all that reminds me is that
I really have one wish

To spend this time surrounded by the
Heat of candles
With you.

Accidental Presence

2005-08-06T22:23:00.001+08:00

Well then, I was checking out my old blogsite earlier and there was a notice which told me that I had been blogging for 1597 days.

1597 days??

Its quite amazing really, think of it, my blogging presence has come to 4 digit in days. That is like what? 4 years 4 months?

So its back to nostalgia as I went to look for my first entry ever.

Turns out I was duped into this blogging business. I ended up here by accident. And I loved it!

Accidents can be GOOD!

2005-08-06T21:23:00.002+08:00

Taken on my mo-fo-cam (mobile phone camera! Heh.) while I was on my way home. What is not visible is the fact that there were tens of cars parked by the highway, all just stood and watched. The firemen? They watched too!

2005-08-02T14:30:00.001+08:00

I am Ilhadi

2005-08-02T13:17:00.001+08:00

The hesitation before action.

Anticipation of failure.

Hope of success.

And these are not about the big things in life. These are what my mind have been toying with the moment I decided to switch blog sites.

But we'll see how it turns out.